soulful night

its 1 in the morning.
and there loads of stuff running across my mind.
seriously it made me barely could sleep.

since when fun became a pressure??
hmm. im not sure.

since when you became like a stranger??
im not sure either.

since when school became the most unlike place for me to go?
im not sure too.

everything became upside down.
silently.
without my notice.

when ive realised,
its too late.




i wanna tell someone that.
i miss you...
you might not know...
it just sometimes i feel awkward to tell you..
im actually need you.
ily.


pls dont become a stranger..

FINALLY

FINALLY.
exams are finally over.
huge sigh of relieved.

well........
i did BAD this time.
real bad.
perhaps its all because of the last minute-work.
NO NEXT TIME!!


i realised something recently,
PEOPLE DOESNT CHANGE MAGICALLY.
the more you expect,
the more disappointment you will get.

HOWEVER,
there are all kinds of people in this world.
you cant expect all of them to change.
the world is realistic.
sometimes,
you still need to change yourself for them.

weird huh....

ITS ALL BECAUSE..
THIS IS THE WORLD.

life is hard. @@

%&*#%*#%^&#$

you know what?
im really sick of the whole thing..
the house.. the family..

now i can understand why those teenagers wanted to ran away from their home.
usually i thought they are really naive and stupid enough.
until just now..
i just figured it out the actual answer.
they werent willing to leave their family..
they were forced to!

who doesnt want for a nice and warm shelter??
who doesnt want a constant pocket money every month??
who doesnt want a ready breakfast, lunch and dinner from mom??
who doesnt want a nice chit-chatting in the living room with the whole family after dinner???
EVERYBODY WANTS IT DON'T THEYYY!

BUT.......
theres always a BUT.
why they wanted to ranaway?
WHY?!!

because they're just like me.
SICK OF EVERYTHING BOUT THEM.
COMPLETELY FED UP!

but,
as you see,
i wont stupid enough ranaway from a nice and warm shelter and wandering around figuring what to do next.

SO YOU THINK YOU'RE ALL RIGHT IS IT?
AND IM THE PERSON WHO ARE ALL WRONG, RIGHT???
AND I DIDNT TAKE THIS HOUSE AS MY HOME,RIGHT???
AND I JUST LIVE INSIDE AS A 5-STAR HOTEL, RIGHTTT??
AND I'M NOT WILLING AS IF IM FORCED TO DO THE HOUSE CHORES, RIGHT??
AND YOU THINK I'VE USE ''STUDY OR FORGOTTEN'' AS A LAME EXCUSES, RIGHT??
WTF??

okay now
my dear parents,
i love you two to the core.
but WHYYY?
WHY you always have to judge the book by its own coverrrr?
after 16 years.
16 YEARS!!! AS YOUR DAUGHTER!,
you think that i'm always living for my own sake and doesnt care of anything about this family???!
...............................

IF i am REALLY so,
i've probably slapped both of you and packed and then run like the wind!
im really really really hurted, you know?
hearing all those words came out from your mouth.
and im fucking dissappointed.

pleaseeeeeee, for god's sake,
PLEASEEEE change the angle of your sight.
the ''fact'' that you saw might not actually it seems to be.

you've always says that home is the best place.
nobody will loves you more than family.

i know i know...
you love me.
but did you realised that you are actually using the wrong method?
in fact,
i doesnt feel so.
i feel depressed all the time.
you've BLAMED ME FOR ALL THE SAKE!
and exclaimed that
what you've done was right.
what you've think was right.
what you've saw was a fact.

how am i supposed to do?????!
when i've done my work, you said NOTHING.
and feels that im supposed to do so.
when i doesnt,
the ''GUNS'' started to shoot non-stop.

WTH?
im also a human.
just like you.
you will be happy if you're me??
think of it!
im also a human who needs compliment.

me, KURANG AJAR?!
LOL.
please dad,
i have my human rights too.
im just express my thoughts and feelings.
alright.. i admitted my volume may be slightly high..
BUT,
the anger inside me really worth so.

i know i shouldnt retreated you.
and i've tried.
BUT,
the anger inside me aroused more and more..
and finally,
*EXPLODED*

cause,
if i keep on quiet,
you will always think that what you said was right!!!
saya memang tak boleh tahan lagi that time.

im really tired enough..
i just wanted to live my life peacefully.
you cant imagine the tension that killing me.



P/S:
i really love you guys.
deep down from my heart.
please...
grant my little wish okayy?

X.X

IM DYINGGGGG.
SOON ENOUGHHHH!
...............
if my life still keep on continue the way it was.
im fucking exhausted.
of everything!!!
tension comes from everywhere anytime!

suddenly,
i feel LOST.

i think i will be mad soon.
im FUCKING fed up with everything!
UGHHHHHHHHH.

what is wrong with me??




seriously need a psychologist right now.
IM DYING MAN!

IF NOT....
catch me up in heaven soon.....